Does The Man Expect A Certain Reaction To A Proposal?

This post is written by Pete. For all his posts, check out this link.

Okay fellas, let's have a kinda little serious chat for a minute. If you've actually gotten to the point where you're getting down on one knee to ask your girl for her hand in marriage, I assume you've known her long enough to know how she is gonna react when you "pop the question."

Her reaction will match her personality. For example, does your significant other cry over every-freaking-thing on TV? Like when there's a commercial where there's a family doing anything even remotely happy, does your significant other say "Awwwww" as her eyes well up with tears? The commercial can be for auto insurance or cereal. It doesn't matter. Get the tissues ready. Oh and holy crap, if any part of the commercial is in slow motion? Better put on a life jacket and have a kayak handy.

Conversely, is your significant other someone who would say something like "Seriously? Me and Tiffany are going to get spray tans that day!" when you tell them your mom just died and the funeral is in two days? If so, I'm pretty sure she would probably be annoyed when you propose because it's not at a time that's convenient for her.

With that being said, I think ideally every guy hopes that his significant other will display some form of happiness when he proposes to her. How could we not have that hope, that expectation when the image of a woman crying in joy, the man on one knee as he hoists a ring up to her hand, is what we're conditioned to believe is the way a wedding proposal is destined to unfold?

Advertising makes it as if every human being reacts to things the same way. Expecting that your significant other will weep with joy and mutter the words "Oh my god yes darling YES!!!" through sobs and tears may set you up for disappointment and perceived failure.

That's why, fellas, you need to know your significant other. Happiness and joy can be expressed in a great number of ways.

BRIDAL BABBLE: What was your (or your significant other's) reaction to the proposal?

Are you getting ready to propose?
Check out Pete's post:  What Asking A Woman's Father For Her Hand In Marriage Is Really Like.

Leap Day Proposals

This post is written by Pete. For all his posts, check out this link.

Hey fellas. So I dunno if you've heard, but apparently on Leap Day, women are "allowed" to propose to their boyfriends. Yup, if a woman wants to propose to her boyfriend, she can only do so on February 29. Once every four years and must wait for a Leap Year.

My first assumption was that it's just another sexist ancient rule in the already bizarre world of marriage, a rule probably made up back in the middle ages, a time when women weren't even allowed to talk unless they were given permission by a man.

If you look back through history, you will find countless examples of just how dumb and illogical human beings can be. I mean, at one point, people believed the sun revolved around the earth. Then along came Galileo with his idea of a heliocentric universe.

As far as the leap day proposal is concerned, it too was the result of a series of illogical beliefs. The legend is that in the fifth century, St. Brigid of Kildare complained to St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, that some men took too long to propose. After hearing Brigid rant a bit, he decided to allow proposals every leap day. Oh boy, how generous of him. Personally, I don't think women have to be given permission to be allowed one day every four years to do the proposing.

(Lisa's note: So I read up a little bit on St. Brigid -- who may or may not actually exist, depending who you ask, and who may have been a child when St. Patrick died, making this story complete folklore. But aren't those the best stories? Anyway, as the rumor goes, as soon as St. Brigid got St. Patrick's permission for women to propose, she dropped to her knee and popped the question -- to him. He declined, but gave her a kiss and a silk dress. So now, the tradition is that if an Irish woman proposes to a man, and he declines, he's still on the hook for a silk gown.)

What do you think? I can think of several couples where the woman is or was frustrated as she waited to be proposed to by her boyfriend for years. Yet, despite this frustration, she continues to participate in the antiquated belief that it is the man's job to do the proposing. If she does it, it takes the pressure off the man ... and she'll get her answers about the relationship quicker too. She could wait until February 29 just to use the leap day proposal tradition as a good excuse to build up the confidence to ask. But, if you're the "she" and didn't plan anything for today, you'll still have to wait another four years for the next February 29 to roll around. Don't wait. Just pick another day and go for it.

BRIDAL BABBLE: What do you think about leap day proposals?

What Asking A Woman's Father For Her Hand In Marriage Is Really Like

This post is written by Pete. For all his posts, check out this link.

Hey, you wanna hear a story? I hope so 'cause I'm gonna tell it either way. It would behoove you to continue reading because, for better or worse, it will elicit an emotional response from you. I know for a fact that I'm going to have fun writing it because in doing so I will have the chance to relive a very exciting moment in my life -- the day I asked Lisa's parents (not just dad, folks) for Lisa's "hand in marriage." Like most of the medieval, archaic, and sexist customs associated with the marriage process, I kind of laughed out loud thinking about this one.

Being fully aware and incredibly annoyed by this fact, I decided that I would sit down with Lisa's mother and father, and ask both of them if it was okay for me to marry their daughter. To merely ask her father, as far as I am concerned, would have been a disgusting form of disrespect to her mom ... and I kinda have this thing about respecting the people I love. Side note: If it wasn't for both of our mothers, Lisa and I would have never even met.

I was nervous, I made excuses, and I subconsciously invented things to do that prevented me from having to have the "talk." The good part is that nobody knew I was doing this because nobody knew when or even if I was going to do it.  Why did I procrastinate like this? See my post on "heel dragging." It's pretty much akin to popping the question, but without the ring. By asking for permission, you pretty much become engaged on the spot.

Eventually it got to the point where I said to myself, "Okay, this is really dumb. Man up and knock it off."

I asked myself, was Lisa the one? Check. Am I going to marry her? An emphatic check. So then what was I waiting? Just DOOZ it man! So I did.

Back in those days, Lisa and I were living in different counties in New York. We would alternate Wednesdays to hang out. I would go up to see her one week, she would come to me the next week, etc. So on one particular week when it was my turn to travel to her, I told Lisa's parents I was coming up and was wondering if I could speak to both of them before Lisa got home from work. I assume they had to know what that meant. I remember the drive up, thinking about what this was going to mean, and what was to follow. I had a series of amazing visions, beautiful projections of scenes in the future. I remember feeling like that day marked a definitive changing of chapters, where the page would turn from boyhood to manhood.

Best of all is that it felt great. I was so nervous, I was sweating. But it wasn't out of fear, it was out of anticipation, it was out of excitement, it was born out of the visions I mentioned, the unknown, a brave new world where I had no idea what was going to happen, but I knew for a fact that it was all gonna be good.

When the time came, the words flowed out more easily than I had anticipated, more than likely because I spoke them with conviction. To be sure and confident in what you say always makes saying it much easier. The fear disappears.

And the reactions were varied by both of Lisa's parents. When I had finished speaking, Lisa's mom proceeded to tear up, speaking words that will make me smile until my last day (Lisa's note: My mom actually later told me that her emotional reaction is basically why most people don't also ask the moms). Lisa's dad then stood up, went to the fridge, and returned with a Corona for each of us. As he handed me a cold one, he said immortal words, "Welcome to the family, you're gonna need a lot of these."

BRIDAL BABBLE: Did you ask your lady's father for her hand in marriage?

Why Does A Guy Drag His Heels On Proposing?

This post is written by Pete. For all his posts, check out this link.

Hey! Shhhh ... wait ... listen ... do you hear that? Kinda sounds like a scratching sound or something ... oh wait! Look! It's the sound of another person dragging their heels. I think it's safe to say that most couples know the story: Two people meet, start hanging out, then start dating, then start living together, then start driving each other insane because one is neat and organized and the other is a slob who scatters every single thing they own all over your common living space, then the old "we've been living together for (insert time here), where is this going?" or at least some permutation of that scenario. Regardless of the specifics, I think it is safe to say that many relationships follow that trajectory, and most, if not all, include one person in the relationship getting antsy about when the other will "pop the big question."

I will fully admit that until recently I was pretty jerky and obtuse when it came to this topic. My thinking was "Ah Christ man, gimmie a break, we're living together, what's the goddamn difference? Seriously, what difference does a round piece of metal and a piece of paper to prove our love make?"

Before you pass judgment and toss me in a cell with the rest of the selfish boys in your mind, let me just tell you that my outlook has changed ... a little. You see, I had to cross over to the other side of life, the married side, in order to be able to look back and examine how I got to where I'm at. And in doing so I've had a number of "Ah ha!" (aka "Oh damn I was a real selfish jackass") moments. Actually, I guarantee I have had dozens of these moments recently that hindsight will reveal very soon.

So today, let's examine the issue through the eyes of people on both sides and find out why some people drag their heels when it comes to popping the question to the one they love. First the "guy's" side. Notice the word guy's is in quotes. I do this because I will use this word from here on in as a pejorative term that refers to the traditional style of thinking women apply to men. Being cognizant of the fact that a marriage can exist between members of the same sex, in my experience there is always one person in a same-sex relationship who will assume the role of the "guy," so the following discourse uses the word guy's as a way of thinking, and does not refer to one's gender. I know of many women who think like a "guy," and many men who do not and instead are programmed to think in a more "womanly" manner.

Now, for those of you who haven't noticed, a man's mind is quite simple. Something is or it is not. It operates in accordance with a linear stimulus/response protocol that exists in a world that is black and white. Evolutionarily speaking, this is an asset -- but when it comes to more complicated decisions this line of thinking can be problematic. Decisions are made based on whether or not the issue in question is pleasurable or not. The end. Some call it selfish; I call it efficient. With that being said, when one applies this to the concept of marriage, a guy views marriage as something that is an unnecessary step. This is proven when such lines as "We live together, and that's the same thing as being married" are muttered. And in a way, guys are right. The highest form of dedication and commitment is to take the large step of two people sharing the same living space. Why spend thousands upon thousands of dollars buying rings and planning and conducting an elaborate and potentially stressfully planning a ceremony just to prove what we already know?

Now for the women's side. Now for those of you who haven't noticed, a woman's mind is far more convoluted. It consists of mazes that have no ending, exists in three dimensions, and is cast in a wide array of colors, some of which science has not even named yet. Connections are made between events that have occurred and statements made by others that may or may not be real. A woman's thinking can at times appear to give them a sort of sixth "sense" that can read things into a situation that may or may not exist. For a woman, marriage is something much greater and profound than just sharing a living space. From what I can gather from my research on these strange, confusing, and mysterious creatures, marriage appears to be more of a "divine promise" or something. The "ultimate proof" that you love them, despite the fact that many marriages end in divorce, hence making those a colossal waste of money.

A guy will many times hear the words: Where this is going? The "this" in that elusive and confounding statement refers to the relationship as it exists in an unmarried state. It is uttered when a woman feels as if the relationship in its unmarried state has gone on for longer than she is comfortable with and feels that the "next step" (aka marriage) needs to be taken. This amount of time varies from woman to woman, but rest assured that most guys will hear these words at some point. It is as this point that an invisible clock begins ticking and the guy now has a finite amount of time to initiate the marriage process by purchasing a ring and surprising his significant other with some sort of creative proposal. "This," to a woman is the first step towards proving that you love her. Never mind the fact that you live together, share each other's hard earned money, pay for your living expenses together, have probably taken expensive trips together, and put up with each other's strange and sometimes downright disgusting living habits. To her, it's buying a ring that beings to prove your eternal dedication.

I dunno about you, but as far as my understanding can lead me to believe, it appears as if dragging one's heels is a natural and completely understandable outcome of a situation like this. An arrangement like this (where each person has such differing views) puts undue pressure on a guy. When he is pressured, he cannot think clearly and make good, objective decisions. I believe that once he can truly think for himself and come to a personal understanding on what marriage means, his heel dragging will stop.

BRIDAL BABBLE: Do you have any advice for women who are waiting for a proposal?

Best. Proposal. Ever.

Everyone wants to say they have the best proposal story ever. It's so sweet, so romantic ... so doesn't win unless you are Isaac's fiance.

I don't know Isaac. There's a good chance you don't know Isaac. But there's an even better chance that you will be crying by the end of this video.

 

BRIDAL BABBLE: I gotta ask: Did you cry?