Should You Take Engagement Photos?

When we were living in New York, Pete and I went to Wave Hill , a gorgeous park close to his house. We walked around the gardens, through the woods, looked at the bridge and the river, and at the end, we both said this is where we'd take our engagement photos.

That was just wishful thinking at that point because we weren't engaged then. 

We did get engaged (obviously), but we ended up not taking our engagement photos in Wave Hill because we moved to North Carolina before he proposed. We did take them at a beach close to our home in North Carolina.

But they question remains: Should you take engagement photos?

My friend Mallory, who got married in July 2012, got hers done too, and I borrowed some of hers for this post.

Should You Take Engagement Photos? 

The Pros For Taking Engagement Photos:
Engagement photos are a really nice way to capture how you look at the time of your engagement. In ten, twenty, fifty years, it will be so sweet to look back and see how in love and how young you were. Pictures are a great way to capture a moment and for that, I'm always for them.

And there are a lot of fun engagement photo ideas out there now: from a beach to a park to just showing your personalities. So it could actually just be a fun day to spend together.

Even better, taking engagement photos is a good excuse to test out your photographer. It also helps you get comfortable with them, which could do wonders for you being comfortable around them on your wedding day.

Reasons For Not Doing Engagement Photos:
If you take engagement photos, you can then use them for your Save the Date cards. But, realistically, you use one photo for the save the date and that's it. So to spend about a hundred bucks on one photo, that's silly to me, especially if you're planning your wedding on a strict budget.

So, if it doesn't fit into your budget, you should skip them. Or, do what we did. To save, we actually ended up taking them with a new photographer who was looking for photos for her portfolio. She didn't charge us, but we did tip her because I didn't feel right not giving her any money for her time.

We ended up using just one photo from the shoot for our save the dates and on a canvas print to hang in our bedroom. Other than that, I'm not sure what engagement photos are for, to be honest. I made wedding confetti out of a few of them, just to get more use out of our photos. You could put together our DIY photo banner with them. But other than that, you're just pushing it.

When Should You Take Engagement Photos?
There's no strict timeline for when to take engagement photos. We took ours seven months after we got engaged, mostly because we didn't want it to be freezing cold on the beach when we took our photos. That was 14 months before our wedding.

You just want to make sure you take your photos after you get engaged, but before you need them. If you are planning on using them for your save the dates (which you mail out a year beforehand for a destination wedding and six months before a local wedding), use that as a factor for when you should take them. Also, double check the photographer's turn around time before booking them because you don't want to wait three months for these, like you can wait for your wedding photos.

Do You Need To Take Engagement Photos?
You don't need to do anything.

We took a selfie the day we got engaged, and that's what I used for our engagement party invites. Good enough for me.


And, if you did take your photos already, you're in luck. Right now, you can get a free 8x10 at Walgreens. You can upload a photo, add it to your cart, and enter the code EIGHT10 at checkout. Choose in store pickup and your photo will be completely free. The code is valid through today, November 18, 2019, so don't miss it.

BRIDAL BABBLE: Did you get engagement photos professionally taken?

Need help with your engagement photos?

Check out our Engagement Picture Tips post.

Our Engagement Story

This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of Jewelers Mutual Insurance. All opinions are 100% mine.

We got home from dinner and I sent a text to a bunch of my friends with a photo of my brand new engagement ring and the words, "I said yes!" And of course, everyone texted back their excitement -- except for the people who were extra excited and tried to call. "I can't talk right now," I said when I answered. "I'm still texting some other people. I'll call you back after the texts."

That night, the night we got engaged, was actually the night that kicked off this blog. And yet somehow, I haven't told our engagement story. I told it to my friends who called and I told it countless times when we saw people face to face, but somehow, I never told our engagement story here. That's changing right now.


When Pete and I still lived in New York, we lived in separate towns. I would drive down to him on Fridays after work and stay until I went to work on Monday morning. Then, every other Wednesday was date night. We would trade between him driving up or me driving down, and we would spend time together.

We moved to North Carolina together, but still kept our Wednesday date night tradition. That's actually something we still have now. I use the date night guest book I made for a post as our date night bag.

Rewind back to September 2012.

We had been living in North Carolina for six months and our two year anniversary was coming up on a Tuesday. "Let's celebrate on date night," Pete had said.

Date night comes and I put on a cute dress and he puts on a nice outfit. Before we walk out the door, he hands me a yellow Post-It note with some sort of rhyme that ends with "come to the cloud." The cloud is what we call our new mattress. So as soon as we were up and getting ready to head out of the door, we turned back around lay down in bed. If you know me, you know I love lying in bed -- especially on the cloud -- so it was perfect.

He handed me a second yellow Post-it note which lead us to a local grocery store so I could get a snack. In the check out line, he handed me another note, which took us to a locally-owned frozen yogurt shop. We ate that, then he handed me another note, taking us to the local boardwalk. We had walked on a boardwalk on our first date, so this was really special. We stopped for a drink, then I got the final note. That one took us to a restaurant that I had been wanting to try since we moved to North Carolina.

We went in and had a great dinner. Then Pete asked if I wanted dessert. I was so full, and we had frozen yogurt not too long before, so I said no. And then he asked again and I realized that even if I didn't want dessert, I wanted dessert.

We order it and out it comes with a Momiji doll. Have you seen these? They're super cute wooden messenger dolls. They come with a piece of paper that inserts inside the base and allows you to write a secret message. On that paper, Pete asked me to marry him. As I was reading it, he had gotten up from his side of the table and went down on one knee.

It was really sweet and a day I will remember for as long as I live.


Not too long after that, I was reading a story about a couple that got engaged at a restaurant two towns over from here. The man got down on one knee, and, in the couple's excitement, somehow the ring got knocked through the boardwalk's floorboards and into the ocean. All the diners jumped into the water to help find the ring.

"I hope that ring was insured," I thought.

If you're recently engaged, you really want to look into getting your ring insured. Get a free jewelry insurance quote and see how much it will cost for your piece of mind. Some insurance quotes are based on the value of your ring, and some take into account the state where you live.

If you're not even sure if you need insurance, this Jewelry Insurance 101 is a good place to start. There's a great infographic to let you know what is covered with specialized jewelry insurance (loss, theft, etc.) versus homeowner's insurance and the jewelry store warranty. It will also tell you what you need before you're actually even able to get your ring insured.

That graphic also states that 1 in 4 married women lost jewelry when vacationing and gives you recommendations as to when you need to be careful with your ring (which are similar to the times I say when you should take off your engagement ring).

And, if you're just reading this and being cautious, you might not even have a ring yet. Or you might actually just be buying one for your girlfriend and you're looking for creative ideas on how to pop the question. Learn what brides-to-be want in an engagement ring, then apply those thoughts to your own girlfriend taking into account her taste, her lifestyle, and any images she may have sent your way.

BRIDAL BABBLE: Do you have your ring insured?

Why You Need A Couple's Massage During Wedding Week

This Why You Need A Couple's Massage During Wedding Week post is sponsored by the Westin Hilton Head Island Resort & Spa. All thoughts and opinions belong to A Bride On A Budget.

When we were planning our wedding, I kept saying there needs to be a wedding leave, just like a maternity leave. You get wedding week off, paid or unpaid, to plan. Because wedding week, oh boy. It's a bunch of running around and coordinating, stress and no sleep. And if you throw in working a full-time job, it's a lot.

We were so lucky that my parents came down from New York for our wedding week to help us. They stayed in our guest bedroom, woke up earlier than me, and did a ton of wedding tasks. My dad made our card box, my parents stuffed organza bags filled with candy, and helped deliver wedding welcome bags.

Pete and I hardly saw each other that week. We were both running around, visiting with family members who came to town. I had said we should make appointments for a couple's massage during wedding week, but we never had time to.

But if you can, oh my gosh, you need to schedule a couple's massage during wedding week.

Why You Need A Couple's Massage During Wedding Week

So we missed out on a couple's massage during wedding week, but we actually we able to schedule one during our trip to the Westin Hilton Head Island Resort & Spa when we were visiting in June. It. Was. Amazing.

We walked into the spa together, then were each lead to separate locker rooms. We changed into robes and slippers, then locked up our clothing. Pete was waiting for me in a co-ed waiting room. Moments later, before we were really able to sit and chat there, we were brought to a couple's massage room.

If you've never had a couple's massage before, it's kind of a funny thing. The room has two massage tables, one for each of you. Your masseuse speaks to you while his talks to him. They ask you what your desired firmness is, if you have any areas you want to target, what aromatherapy you would like to smell, and, in the case of The Heavenly Spa at the Westin Hilton Head Island Resort & Spa, you are asked to choose a rock: gratitude, love, or hope. That is placed below your face and is what you will reflect on during the massage.

I picked hope. Pete picked gratitude.

The masseuses leave and give you a moment to take off your slippers and robe. Now, in case you don't know, you can leave your underwear on during your massage if you choose. I would recommend removing your bra because the strap will get in the way of your back massage. They never see your booty. It's covered at all times with a blanket during your massage, but I still leave something on because I feel more comfortable. And you want to be comfortable during your massage. If you're not, you won't relax.

So you hang your robe and get back on the bed, under the blanket. The masseuses come back in and for 50 or 80 minutes (depending on what you choose), you are in a calm, relaxed state. The only sounds, really, are the masseuses asking if the pressure is okay and you and your fiance mumbling a yes.

And that's why it's kind of a funny thing. I like talking. And I feel like with Pete feet away, I should be talking to him. But instead, I'm laying there feet away while another woman rubs him down. And at the same time, he's laying feet away from me while a strange man rubs me down. Of course, they're professionals, this is their job, and there's no harm in the situation. But it sort of feels funny if it's not something you've done before.

If you haven't, though, do it. Please. Do it. Spend the money and do it. Shoot, write the money into your wedding budget if that will help.

After the massage, when you're feeling completely relaxed and the weight of wedding planning and wedding week has faded, the masseuses leave and you put your robe and slippers back on. You open the door and they're waiting for you with drinks (water for me, a mimosa for Pete), and you walk back to the co-ed waiting room.

We were so lucky that there wasn't anyone else in the room at the time, so we were able to sit and relax, just us. There was trail mix (which I promptly ate) and notebooks to read. They were signed by couples who were there before, mostly by men who were all there with the most beautiful woman in the world. There were couples on honeymoons, ones on anniversaries, and others on babymoons. Different couples, different reasons, same love and relaxation in their messages. To read through those affirmations, when you're so tranquil but especially if you are days away from getting married, you will cry. The emotions will overwhelm you. And there's something so beautiful and so special in that.

When we were ready, we went back to the locker rooms to shower and get dressed. We then went to the pool and relaxed in the hot tub (because we were told it really helps your muscles after a massage).

It was the perfect way to spend the afternoon together, but in quiet. It's the exact pause you need before your wedding. Trust me.

BRIDAL BABBLE: Would you get a couple's massage during wedding week?

Speaking of Hilton Head Island ...

9 Reasons To Have A Destination Wedding In Hilton Head Island, SC

Why Pre-Cana Is Beneficial (even if you're not religious)

This Why Pre-Cana Is Beneficial (even if you're not religious) post is written by Pete. For all his posts, check out this link.

Pre-Cana. What? Yea, exactly. I had no idea what (or who?) "Cana" was, so my confusion only increased when I heard there was something that should be done before (pre) cana, whatever it was.

Basically, it's an event that takes place in a church and is something many couples partake in before they tie the knot. To be honest, I was glad Lisa and I did it for one important reason: It gives you and your partner the opportunity to discuss some big issues you may not have discussed on your own. So here we go. Today's topic is: Why Pre-Cana Is Beneficial (even if you're not religious).

 Why Pre-Cana Is Beneficial (even if you're not religious)

Let me start by saying that I couldn't be any less religious, so when Lisa told me there was some religious-based thing called pre-cana that we have to do before we got married, I was less than thrilled, even before I knew what it was. The fact that it was at a church, or was even tangentially connected to a church, was enough to dissuade me.

Don't jump ship yet fellas. It's not really a course, at least it wasn't for us. We went once, and I actually wound up seeing a friend there, so that was cool. We went to a bar after, which made the trip worth it. Basically, at some point in the past, a bunch of Catholic Bishops decided that the following topics are "must have conversations" couples should have before they marry:

• Spirituality/Faith
• Conflict Resolution Skills
• Careers
• Finances
• Intimacy/Cohabitation
• Children
• Commitment

Honestly, much of the fundamental subject matter wasn't even of a religious nature. The people who conduct the course are religious people, and in the end they managed to put a religious spin on all of the topics covered, but the concept itself is a good idea. For example, how many couples actually sit down and discuss finances in detail, or how they plan to resolve disagreements when they come up? In the end, the term "pre-cana" could have just been swapped with "pre-counseling" once you filter out the religious spin. That's kind of what it was.

Basically, whether you're religious or not, having a conversation with you future partner-to-be about these important topics is just a common sense good idea. Period. Well, that's my opinion anyways.

BRIDAL BABBLE: Did you attend a pre-cana class?

Having a church wedding?

Check out these posts: What Exactly Is Pre-Cana?
(And answers to all your other marriage prep questions) post.

Unknown Costs Of Church Weddings

Free Wedding Website From Wedding Paper Divas

When we got engaged, I started this blog. It was originally for me to collect my thoughts and ideas somewhere other than Pinterest and it blew up into what you see now.

People were asking if I was going to create a wedding website, but I mean, I had a wedding blog. I thought a wedding website might be a little excessive. Plus, if I'm being completely honest, because my blogs and my previous jobs put me in the public's eye, I was a little nervous about creating a wedding website with all my details available for anyone. I didn't want to worry about any wedding crashers.

But for non-public people, a wedding website is a great idea. Plus, you can make a free wedding website thanks to Wedding Paper Divas. It's completely free to anyone, regardless of it you have ever placed an order at Wedding Paper Divas or not.

What's great is you can design your free wedding website to match to your wedding invitations (as long as you also order from Wedding Paper Divas, anyway). I love love love when things are coordinated, and this is a perfect way to do it (and the perfect price too).

You can add as much or as little information as you want to your wedding website. You can add your engagement photos, your engagement story, your registry information, bios on your wedding party ... and of course, your wedding date and other important information. It's actually a good way to update your guests on things like hotel information too.

What I like about Wedding Paper Divas' wedding website is that you don't have to know anything about HTML or coding to make it. You can just click the design you want, add in your info, and you're done. Plus, it's really easy to change anything you need (like if a bridesmaid drops out and you want to remove her, your rehearsal dinner time changes, or you notice a typo). And with wedding planning, anything that's easy is definitely the path you want to take.

BRIDAL BABBLE: Did you make a wedding website to match your invites?

What Should You Write On A Personalized Wedding Hanger?

I remember being at my cousin's bridal shower, and as she opened the gift from the bridesmaids, I saw something that made me say: I want that.

It was a personalized wedding hanger.

The trouble, though, is deciding what you should write on a personalized wedding hanger.

What Should You Write On A Personalized Wedding Hanger?

Bride

This is actually what I did -- on the hanger that I forgot in my closet on wedding day and didn't even use for photos. Sigh. What was good, though, is I was able to lend it to a friend who got married after us. She used it in her photos no problem. If my hanger wasn't as generic, I wouldn't be able to share it.

Mrs. NewLastName

I didn't change my name, so that was never an option for me, but if you're planning on changing yours, that works. It might seem a little strange to look at it in the closet for a while, also because that's really your husband's mother's name for the time being, but it will work for after you're married.

Mrs. 

If the whole idea of the hanger in your closet with your future mother-in-law's name on it for months, you can just go with Mrs. It's simpler. But, if you're like me and you aren't planning to change your last name, you actually won't technically be a Mrs. You'll be Ms. So keep that in mind.

Your Wedding Date

Instead of putting a name identifier, you can put your wedding date instead. That will be a pretty reminder of your anniversary every time you look at it. I've seen hangers that actually add the wedding date up on the wood part, so just make sure you aren't doubling that.

Lisa ♥ Pete

Okay, you wouldn't actually be putting Lisa and Pete because those are our names, not yours. But you could get this with your names. Then, you could use it in the future to hang other clothes on, which especially works because you will always love your husband.

Decisions decisions.

If you're looking for one of these, be sure to check out all the personalized wedding hangers on Amazon. And, if you're looking for the one in the photo, it's here.

BRIDAL BABBLE: What would you write on a personalized wedding hanger?

What Exactly Is Pre-Cana? (And answers to all your other marriage prep questions)

I grew up Catholic, going to church every Sunday, and it became something that was really important to me. So of course, there was never a doubt that I was going to be married in a church. I knew that meant we would have to take Pre-Cana classes but, honestly, I didn't even know what that meant.

I tried googling, but there wasn't really any comprehensive post about what Pre-Cana is, so I figured I would put one together. Plus, I have a long list of questions answered at the end. Now, just for the record: This is all based on our Pre-Cana experience. I don't work for a church and I'm not associated with any Pre-Cana programs.

What exactly is Pre-Cana?

Pre-Cana, if that term is completely unfamiliar to you, is pre-wedding preparation that must be completed prior to getting married in the church. Most churches will refer to it as Pre-Cana, however some diocese have adopted the a more modern term "marriage prep."

Small aside: Cana was the location of the wedding feast where Jesus turned water into wine. That's where the name Pre-Cana comes from.

Our Pre-Cana course was one full day, beginning at 9am and running until about 3pm. Many churches will split this over multiple days (as either a weekend retreat or just multiple sessions) or even require you to attend a course over a six-month period of time. Because of this, you need to check with your church to get the outline of its Pre-Cana course. That will help you set your timeline of when you need to get this done.

What do you do at Pre-Cana?

At the very core of it, Pre-Cana is a way for couples to open a dialogue and discuss topics that need to be discussed before getting married: fiances, children, faith, career, etc. These may be topics that you have already discussed, but I think they're ones that couples try to avoid. It's not very romantic to sit down with your husband and decide who is going to balance the checkbook for the rest of your lives. But it's something that you need to decide because if you both hate knowing how much money is in your bank account, or if one of you just spends until you get an overdraft letter to stop you, that's something that can cause a conflict in your marriage. Pre-Cana starts that dialogue for you.

Our Pre-Cana class was very structured. We all said our names, wedding date, where we were from, and our faith, and then we did a lot of listening. We were given a  "Together for Life" booklet and a "Fully Engaged" workbook.

There was an opening prayer followed by a theology of marriage clergy talk, given by the father of the church. We then had a workbook exercise on differences, division of labor, and family origin.

A married couple then came to give us a talk on finance, career, and stewardship. The man actually spoke about how he would ask for a women's credit score on their first date. It's the sort of question that would cause me to not have a second date with a man, but the woman's answer sometimes resulted in him not wanting a second date. He just wanted to make sure that woman wouldn't drag his great credit score down. And that's silly, in theory, because you should fall in love with a man, not his wallet. But, realistically, his credit score will weigh on you, and vice versa. Do you know your man's spending habits? Does he know if you have tons of student loans? These topics, while dull and unromantic, will come up in the future when you are trying to buy a house and it's important to discuss them.

After the chat, we had a workbook exercise on fiances. We each went to separate rooms to fill out the worksheet, then reconvened to compare our answers. Anything that didn't match was something we discussed at length.

The next couple spoke about the sacraments of marriage and prayer life. That was the most powerful. The couple wasn't a picture perfect pair who had everything amazing happen to them. It was a real couple who, very honestly, shared their personal story with us. It forced everyone to acknowledge that marriage isn't always sunshine and roses, but that does not mean that you give up.

We then did a worksheet on the sacrament of marriage.

Then we had lunch.

And lots of beverages, apparently.

Next was a talk on communication and conflict resolution, plus a workshop. I think this was the easiest of them all, really. If you're in a relationship long enough to decide that you want to get married, you've gone through conflicts. You know how to resolve them.

According to my paper, we had a Five Love Languages video and exercise next, but I can't remember it. At all. Like not even one little bit.

The last talk was natural family planning. The woman who gave the talk was really knowledgeable and open. It was the most faith based of the talks, but it was an important topic no matter what your faith. You and your husband need to discuss if you're going to have children -- and what your plan for having (or not having) them is and how you will raise them. This is something you should discuss before you bring a child into the world. As with the other talks, there was a worksheet that followed.

After, we wrote a love letter to each other. I had always said I had no plans to write our vows, but this was pretty close. Following a day of being really open and honest with each other and discussing things that couples should, you got to write a letter to each other. I still have the one Pete wrote me. It was just so sweet and touching.

There was a closing prayer, we got a certificate to give to our church, and that was that.

What do you do after Pre-Cana?

There is an online questionnaire that you fill out. It asks you a bunch of questions that stem from what you discussed at Pre-Cana and you answer either agree, disagree, or undecided. You and your fiance have to answer separately so you don't cheat off each other. The results are then sent to your church. You make an appointment and sit down with a couple from the church who explains the questionnaire to you, then leaves you alone to go over the answers.

The purpose of this is not to tell you that you can't get married. The church won't step in for that, no matter how many of your answers match (or don't). It is just to show you any red flags that might appear that you should discuss.

This is the only time you see your results. You do not get a copy of the test to compare notes down the road. They're not around for posterity. You can't say, "Remember during Pre-Cana you said ... " and then bring the results out for evidence of flip flopping. This is just a vehicle to get you and your fiance to talk; it's not something to hold over each other's heads later in life.

Pre-Cana Questions

1. Do you have to do Pre-Cana at your own church?
No. You're also not required to do it in your own diocese even.

2. Is it free?
Ours wasn't. Our course cost us $125. Your fee may vary based on your church and diocese.

3. Do you have to go together?
Yes, you and your fiance must both attend at the same time.

4. Is Pre-Cana required?
Only if you want to get married in a Catholic church.

5. When do you do it?
The timeline is up to you, but the Pre-Cana classes and time you sit to discuss your questionnaire results must be completed before you get married.

6. How long is Pre-Cana?
Ours was about six hours, beginning at 9am and running until about 3pm.

6. Was it worth it?
Absolutely. Even couples who have been together for years or even living together can benefit from this. It's all marriage-based and very little faith-based. We went in not knowing what, exactly, to expect and I think it was definitely a benefit for us. Pete doesn't come to church with me on Sundays, but he even saw the benefits of Pre-Cana.

BRIDAL BABBLE: Have any other Pre-Cana questions? Leave them in the comments and I'll be sure to answer as best I can.

Pre-cana is good even if you're not Catholic.

Check out Pete's post: Why Pre-Cana Is Beneficial (even if you're not religious).

So you're engaged ... now what? (What to do before you say "I Do")

It's engagement season, which means your Facebook timeline has probably been filled with photos of gals showing off their new holiday bling. Between Christmas and Valentine's, a ton of couples get engaged. And maybe you're one of those lucky couples.

You're in love. You see a box in front of you with a very shiny ring inside. You say yes. You're engaged. Now what?

What to do before you say "I Do"

What to do immediately after you get engaged

1. Tell your parents (before social media).

I know, this sounds like a no brainer, but it's something people often forget. You get so wrapped up in the moment, you immediately want to change your status on Facebook. Goodbye "in a relationship"; hello "engaged."

But, if you dare tell Mark Zuckerberg before your immediate family, you'll start your engagement off on the wrong foot.

Be sure to actually call your mother. Don't send her a text that says, "I said yes!" You can save that for your old chem lab partner and your next door neighbor. But for your parents and grandparents, you absolutely need to call them. No matter what time it is.

After we got engaged, I actually called my parents' house around 11pm. My little brother picked up and told me everyone was sleeping.

"I know," I said. "Just put mom on the phone."

She was startled from her slumber, worried that something was wrong, but there's nothing like letting your mom know she's getting a son-in-law that will change her tune.

Let her call her friends, and you call or text yours. Then, after everyone has pretty much heard already, and only then, change your status on social media.

Pete was ready to change his Facebook status the next morning, but I made him wait almost 48 hours. I needed to make sure my grandma had time to tell my great aunt before she saw the update in her notifications, stuffed between requests for lives on Candy Crush.

2. Paint your nails.

Everyone will want to see the ring. People who see you in real life will grab your hand and people you text will reply asking for a photo.

You don't want to show everyone a beautiful ring attached to a finger with chipped green polish.

Even if you're not a manicure type of girl, it's worth it to get one now (and another if you take engagement photos). Trust me.

Personally, I think OPI nail polishes last the longest of any brand, and neutral colors are your best friend, so look for something like OPI's Bubble Bath when you're at the salon. Or heck, grab a bottle off Amazon and keep it in the bathroom if you have an idea he's gonna pop the question.

3. Stop spending money.

Had your eye on that Jimmy Choo purse? It's gonna have to wait.

Actually, any sort of "extras" between now and the wedding will have to be put on hold.

Love going out for lunch every day for French onion soup? Sorry. You're gonna have to brown bag it for a while and google French onion soup recipes to learn to make it at home. Sure, it doesn't sound like a lot to spend $6 on soup or sandwich every day, but that's $30 a week, which is $1,560 a year and that's basically a wedding dress.

So what would you rather: lunch out or a wedding dress? Exactly. Bring your lunch.

What not to do immediately after you get engaged

1. Ask anyone to be in your wedding.

Through the years, you've probably told every female friend of yours that she is going to be a bridesmaid at your wedding. But, realistically, you have to talk with your fiancé about it. Because (yay!) you now have a fiancé.

You need to decide if either of you actually are having a bridal party and how many people you both want in it.

It's going to cause you to rank your friends, which is a terrible sounding thing but it's something every bride does. If you ask every woman in your life to be in your bridal party, you won't have anyone to sit in the pews when you're walking down the aisle.

Maybe one drunken night you promised your college roommate that she could sing "At Last" at the ceremony, but until you actually know how the ceremony is going to go, you can't ask her because maybe you'll be getting married at a church that doesn't allow anyone outside the congregation to sing and now you have the awkward task of un-asking her her.

So until you have some details ironed out, don't ask anyone to be anywhere at your wedding.

2. Set a date.

Setting a date is a whole heck of a lot harder than you can imagine. You don't just open your calendar, find your favorite date, and say that's when you're getting married.

You need to make sure the venue is available, you need to make sure your ceremony site is available, and you need to make sure you can afford that day (dates change price, days of the week change price, and if you pick a date too close to your engagement, you won't have time to save).

Your best bet is to pick a season and let everything else fall into place.

3. Take engagement photos.

No one takes their engagement photos immediately after they get engaged. Some people don't even take them until the month of their wedding. Just because you have a ring on your finger doesn't mean you have to take them right away.

Plus, a lot of engaged couples actually use engagement photos as a trial for their wedding photographer. If you run out to take them immediately, you're missing that opportunity (or risk retaking them, which means paying twice ... and trust me, you don't want to pay more for anything than you have to).

What to do eventually after you get engaged

In sequential-ish order, here's a list of everything you need to do before you say, "I Do." Just use this as a rough list to get you started.

1. Pick a venue (and make sure to check on date availability).

2. Pick a ceremony site (and coordinate the date with the venue).

3. Book them both. Schedule the rehearsal at the ceremony site the day before the wedding.

4. Book your photographer (I absolutely cannot stress how much you absolutely should do this before anything else. Your photographer is the most important vendor and you don't want to wait and risk your favorite photographer booked and unavailable on your wedding day).

Here's where the "ish" comes into play. You can do these in any order, but the first four things are set in stone.

5. Put together a list of your guests. Get their addresses.

6. Decide on a wedding theme.

7. Order save the date cards. Send them as soon as possible (but not longer than a year before).

8. Buy your dress, shoes, veil, and any accessories.

9. Choose your bridesmaids. Ask them. Hope they say yes. Choose their dresses and shoes.

10. Rent your fiance's tux (or suit). Find out more about that process here.

11. Let your fiance choose his groomsmen. Have him ask them. Hope they say yes. Choose their tuxes or suits.

12. Order wedding invitations. Send them (with a stamped RSVP card) three months before the wedding.

13. Order your flowers.

14. Order your cake. Ask if you can borrow a cake stand and cake knife (if the bakery says no, ask your venue).

15. Go for a tasting. Choose your menu.

16. Book a band or DJ. Be sure to sit down with them and make a playlist, including songs on your do not play list.

17. Choose a wedding song.

18. Book a limo. Find out more about that here.

19. Book a videographer, if you so choose.

20. Figure out where you are staying that night and book it.

21. Purchase thank you gifts for everyone in your wedding (including anyone helping at the ceremony).

22. Book a hair and makeup person/people.

23. Set a block of hotel rooms at a local hotel for out of town guests.

24. Put together wedding welcome bags for out of town guests.

25. Decide on your wedding favors. Order them.

26. Figure out the rehearsal dinner (if you're ordering food, having it at a restaurant, etc.).

27. If you're getting married at a church, take your marriage prep/pre-cana course(s). Find out more about those here.

28. Figure out if you are having readings at the ceremony and ask people to read. Be sure to have the readings selected so you can give them to the readers early so they can practice.

29. Choose the music for the ceremony.

30. Order menu cards.

31. Order wedding programs.

32. Create a seating chart. Order escort cards and table numbers. Don't let anyone bully you and tell you where they want to sit. People will mingle anyway.

33. Decide on centerpiece decorations. 

34. Decide on additional venue decorations.

35. Purchase your wedding rings. (Get yours cleaned two weeks before and do not wear it until the day of).

36. Get your marriage license (do this the week of).

37. Get your nails done (do this the day before).

38. Pay everyone.

39. Say "I Do."

40. Enjoy your wedding day.

BRIDAL BABBLE: Anyone scared yet?

And a big thank you to my beautiful wedding twin Kay who is in the photo above.

That's her actual proposal from her now-husband Scott. They went to JMU together and got engaged at the Kissing Rock.

She said to me: It's actually cute because legend says whoever you kiss on the rock is who you marry. When I gave tours of JMU, I would tell my tour groups, "Don't kiss on the rock if you can't afford a rock."

Her husband's sister and friend actually hid in the bushes to get that series of shots. Love it!

Book It With Wedding Books

When we were home in New York, Pete went to hang out with his friends who just got married in August.

The bride passed two books along to him to give to me.

She gave us Maria McBride-Mellinger's The Perfect Wedding and The Perfect Wedding Reception. I opened The Perfect Wedding and was greeted with this picture ...

... and the advice that I should book my groom a massage for the day of the wedding so he can, basically, relax and bond with his friends.

I'm gonna get my groom a 12-pack and it'll do the same thing.

I actually haven't flipped through either of the books yet, aside for that one page exception, but there should be better advice inside. The girl who lent these to us, she said she saved a ton by reading them.

Wedding books seem to be the way to go (plus they're a lot cheaper than a wedding planner).

If you're planning your first wedding, like I am, there's a lot you don't know. It's more than just picking a venue, taste testing the food, and sampling some cake. You have to make a decision on everything: from what type of menu you want, to linens and where to rent them, to negotiating a hotel rate for your out of town guests, and more. It's a lot. And there's a lot that you just don't think about and have a good chance of overlooking.

That's why a book comes in handy. You don't have to brainstorm and think of what you might have to think of. The authors already thought of everything, so you just have to go through the wedding book like a checklist.

And you can use these as ideas of where you can cut costs and save money.

My maid of honor texted me this morning and told me to pick up Bridal Bargains, which is a wedding book dedicated to helping you whittle down your wedding costs. Perfect.

It seems like I'll have a lot of reading to do in my future ... which is good for you guys because I'll just pass the advice along and then all you have to do is read this blog, not a book.

BRIDAL BABBLE: Did you pick up any wedding books? Which ones do you suggest?

Get A Free Gift At Bloomingdales For Registering By 2/28/15

We talked once before about registry rewards, which is not so much a formal term as it is one I coined.

Registry rewards, basically, are items you earn for free, just for registering. Different stores have different qualifications for freebies and not all stores offer these.

But if you find a store that does, it might definitely dictate where you register, which dictates where your guests spend their money, which makes the stores rich. So it's worth it for a store to throw you a free knife set or pot.

Bloomingdales realizes this and is giving new registrants a little perk. If you create a registry between now and February 28, 2015, and fill it with $6,500+ items by March 7, 2015, you can get a free Vera Wang picture frame. Your gift must be picked up in store and it's while supplies last.

The official details are here.

There aren't any Bloomingdales around here, so we didn't take advantage of this. If you want to know about our wedding registry, you can check out this post.

BRIDAL BABBLE: Do registry rewards influence where you register? Or, if you are already registered, did it?

Paying Postage Properly

There's something magical about a gorgeous wedding invitation.

Just take my friends Nicole and Stephen. Their invite, in a word: beautiful.

You open the heavy envelope, and there, inside is an invitation.

But it's more than an invitation. It's a gateway, if you will, to all the components of your wedding.

And inside, there's everything you need to know.

There's the invitation, with all the vital information: names, date, time, location.

And then, in the side pocket, there's a card for directions, one for accommodations, one about the reception, and the response card.

Although it's not pictured, there was also a stamped envelope for the response card.

This package, obviously, is not covered by one forever stamp.

But how much does it cost? I have no idea. You have no idea. You know who does have an idea? The post office.

You should put together all the components of your wedding invitation and weigh them at the post office so you know exactly how much postage is needed for the invitation and for the response card.

You don't want to have to worry about invitations or RSVP cards not arriving because of insufficient funds. I mean, can you imagine your grandma not getting her invite because you were short 20 cents on the postage? Or your college buddies and their wives show up at the wedding and you don't have room for them because you never got the RSVP back so you assumed they declined. Oh the headaches.

So really, this is fantastic advice, and I had to pass it along to you.

BRIDAL BABBLE: What's the average cost for a wedding invitation? Anyone know?

Love Letter Displayed -- 22 Years Later

I should be working. That's what people generally do in the middle of an afternoon on a Tuesday. But instead, I am reading one of the sweetest and most romantic stories.

Yahoo posted a story about Cathy and Trevor Webb, Pensacola newlyweds who displayed a letter written from Trevor to Cathy in sixth grade. The letter reads:

Dear Cathy,

I still like you and I still want you to go with me. I know Brad likes you. Please decide who you're going to go with. Think hard and let me know your decision. I'll be standing at the end of this hall and the beginning of the other hall. Meet me there as soon as school's out and you can tell me.

Sincerely, Trevor.

The note has, in all caps, DON'T LET ANYONE SEE THIS at the top. Well, the couple displayed it at their wedding 22 years later for all to see.

If you're wondering, Cathy did pick Trevor all those years ago -- then broke up with him after two weeks. They did get back together, obviously, and the rest is their fairy tale happily ever after.

BRIDAL BABBLE: How did your love story begin?

Williams Sonoma's Registry Rewards

Last week or so ago, I asked if it was tacky to put a Bed, Bath and Beyond coupon in my shower invitations. The responses were mixed.

The best response, though, was from Brennan who said that some stores will actually give you free gifts for just registering for certain products and if your guests purchase certain thresholds.

I had to look into that.

I went to the registry portion of Williams-Sonoma's website. Right on the home page, it says the Top 10 benefits of registering there. The benefits are things like 10% off the items to complete your registry and $10 off a cooking class within six months of your event, although, if they were asking me, I'd say the benefits are things like, "You'll get awesome gifts because you have friends who can afford to shop here."

Benefit number two is Special Vendors Offers. This is what I was looking for. I'm gonna guess that this rotates, but I'm not sure. The special offers right now are:

All-Clad
When your guests have purchased $1,500 of qualifying All-Clad products from your registry, you'll receive an All-Clad Stainless Steel 9" French Skillet monogrammed with you and your spouse's initials and your wedding date.

Wüsthof
Register for $200 of qualifying Wüsthof products and you'll receive a Wüsthof Gourmet 3 piece Bridal Set, including 4 ½" Utility Knife, 3" Spear Point Paring Knife, and a Bar Board.

When your guests have purchased $450 of qualifying Wüsthof products from your registry, you'll receive a Wüsthof Classic 3" Serrated Paring Knife.

Le Creuset
When your guests have purchased $500 of qualifying Le Creuset products from your registry, you'll receive a Le Creuset Limited Edition Set of 2 Stoneware Mini Cocottes in Pearl Essence.

Shun
Register for $450 of qualifying Shun products and you'll receive a Shun Herb Shear.

When your guests have purchased $450 of qualifying Shun products from your registry, you'll receive a Shun Vegetable Knife.

Global
When your guests have purchased $450 of qualifying Global products from your registry, you'll receive a Global 3" Paring Knife.

Calphalon
Register for $500 of qualifying Calphalon products and you'll receive a Calphalon Unison 8" Fry Pan.

When your guests have purchased $500 of qualifying Calphalon products from your registry, you'll receive a Calphalon Unison 2.5-qt. Shallow Saucepan.

Cuisinart
Register for $150 of qualifying Cuisinart products and you'll receive a CD & Recipe Set For Newlyweds.

When your guests have purchased $500 of qualifying Cuisinart products from your registry, you'll receive a cookbook by Cuisinart's Executive Chef Fabrizio Bottero, "Simple & Enticing Recipes."

Nespresso
When your guests have purchased $229 of qualifying Nespresso products from your gift registry, you are eligible to receive a complimentary Tasting Box from the Nespresso Club.

That's awesome.

Now, let this be said: I'm not telling you go in there just to register and get a free gift. However, if you are planning on registering, keep Williams-Sonoma in mind for this reason.

Pete is the one who cooks here, and so, every Christmas, my goal is to get him one Calphalon piece. He really loves how they cool. So, of course, we are planning on registering for Calphalon cooking pieces. We might as well register for them at Williams-Sonoma so we get the free fry pan, plus we can encourage our guests to buy us Calphalon pieces from there so maybe we'll get lucky and get the saucepan.

This is definitely the type of stuff I'm going to keep in mind when we do register.

BRIDAL BABBLE:  Do you know of any other stores that offer "registry rewards"?

Best. Proposal. Ever.

Everyone wants to say they have the best proposal story ever. It's so sweet, so romantic ... so doesn't win unless you are Isaac's fiance.

I don't know Isaac. There's a good chance you don't know Isaac. But there's an even better chance that you will be crying by the end of this video.

 

BRIDAL BABBLE: I gotta ask: Did you cry?