How To Entertain Kids At A Wedding

There's the big "Should we or shouldn't we" conversation when it comes to kids at a wedding. It's such a touchy situation. If you're one of the last of your friends to get married, your friends might already have kids. Or you might be the first one in your family to get married and all your cousins are young and you want them there.

It's hard, though. Kids don't really care about the toast and last call usually happens hours after their bedtime. So if you decide that yes, you will allow kids to come to your wedding, it's in your best interest to set up a few things to keep the kids entertained.

I put together a list of the top five ways to keep kids entertained at a wedding.

Hire a Babysitter

This is the first suggestion I give to every bride who asks me about kids at a wedding. Yes, a child is mommy and daddy's responsibility, but parents want a night out too ... especially if date night doesn't come often and your wedding has an open bar. You want the parents to have a good time and not have to worry about chasing Johnny all through the ballroom.

So let that be someone else's responsibility. Hire someone -- a friend of a friend, a coworker's age-appropriate child, your own babysitter -- and let the parents know that there will be someone at the ceremony and reception who will be responsible for the children during the day. I really stress that you hire someone who isn't a relative and wouldn't otherwise be invited to the wedding. You don't want to designate your mom as the wedding babysitter, even if she offers. You want your mother to enjoy the wedding, just as you want all the parents to enjoy as well.

Your cousin's next door neighbor won't mind missing the I Do's if that's the exact moment she has to chase a loose toddler, but your mom will.

Designate a "Child Zone" at the Reception

There's a good chance you will have a venue with an on-site coordinator. Sit down with him or her prior to your wedding and explain that you will have children there. Ask if there is an area that can be set up for kids only. Maybe there's a backdoor that leads to a lawn where you can set up a ball pit or a bounce house. Maybe there's a second bridal suite that you can turn into a playroom for the evening.

Work with the on-site coordinator to find this area and make sure it is child safe -- and far enough out of the way of the reception that if Johnny has a meltdown, it won't be overpowering the father-daughter dance.

You don't even have to set up such grand games. Try a ring toss, bean bag toss, an arts and crafts table. There's a good chance that the reception venue actually has a few things on hand. It never hurts to ask.

Have a Kid-Friendly Menu

It's no secret that children may get cranky if they're hungry. So make sure they eat. Most weddings have a pretty exotic menu compared to a child's pallet. Most kids would choose chicken fingers over shrimp cocktail, so make sure that some of your hors d'oeuvres are finger foods. I'm not saying serve mini pizzas, but if you only have mini crab cakes, you might have a little trouble.

Keep that in mind for the dinner as well. If your entree choices are the typical prime rib or salmon, you have to know if the kids are going to eat that. Maybe the chef can put together a couple grilled cheese sandwiches.

This is definitely something you have to arrange with the venue before the wedding day. Tell them the number of children that will be there and see what they can do. Also, there are a lot of venues that will charge a child's cost rather than the regular per plate cost (and you won't have to pay the per head alcohol cost for kids either). Be sure to square this away with the venue beforehand.

Create a Children's Goody Bag

As much as you think your wedding is the best day ever, a kid might disagree. If you expect children to sit quietly the entire time, you're mistaken. Kids need something to do -- and listening intently to the best man speech probably isn't it.

So put together a goody bag filled with kids toys: coloring books, bubbles, crayons, sand buckets (if you're on a beach), puzzles, notebook, pens. You get the idea. I actually checked out Amazon and found a couple really cute wedding-related kid's items.

• Individually Packaged Children's Wedding Activity Sets
• Wedding Treat Bags For Kids
• Tuxedo Bubble Bottles

If you don't feel like putting the kit together yourself, you can actually buy them pre-made:

• Ring Bearer Wedding Activity Backpack
• Flower Girl Gift Activity Backpack

Makes it a little easier when you are doing so many other things to prep for the wedding.

Have a Kids' Table

There's a good chance that if the kids are sitting with their parents, the parents will end up cutting the kids' food as their filet goes cold. That's horrible. Instead, have a table set up just for the kids and put the babysitter in charge of making sure they eat and that their food is cut. Let the parents enjoy the food in peace.

The kids will dance and hang out and when they're tired, they can just go back to the kids table with the other kids. They won't be going back to a table filled with couples (many of who might not have kids and don't want to be stuck sitting next to a child during the entire reception).

You can make this table very kid friendly too. Pick up children's placemats (I suggest this Wedding Party Paper Placemats for Children pack) and adorn the table with a kid-centric centerpiece (like the LEGO Mini Figure Set Wedding Bride Groom Table Decoration). Kids will see that and know that the LEGO table is the one for them, and the one with the huge glass vases and centerpieces is for the adults. It'll help them find their table and feel a little more comfortable.

BRIDAL BABBLE: What other tips do you have to entertain kids at a wedding?

Why Your "No Kids At The Wedding" Policy Needs To Be Flexible

My friend Nicole Skyped me eight or so months before my wedding. She was asking how planning was going and I went on an incredibly long rant about how difficult dress shopping was, how I tried on 50 dresses in three towns -- including an overnight trip in Raleigh -- to find my dress.

"How is the hotel you booked?" she asked.

And then I went on an equally long rant about how we were trying to book a hotel and the person helping us was impossible to reach, and then she ended up not even working at the hotel anymore ... because, well, that's how conversations go when you're planning a wedding. You don't mean to be completely self-absorbed, but that's how you basically become.

"Oh my gosh, stop talking a minute," Nicole's sister Mallory, who was also on the call, laughed at me.

"Does the hotel you booked have cribs?" Nicole asked.

And then I flipped out. Like a crazy person. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my GOSH," I screamed. "You're pregnant?" I was quite possibly more excited about that than anything else at that moment and felt really bad about monopolizing the video call with talks about dresses and hotels when we could have been talking about sonograms and how she told her parents.

She told me something that made me feel sort of bad. She said as soon as she found out she was pregnant, she thought about how she really wanted to come to our wedding and knew we weren't inviting kids, so she started brainstorming how to come from New York to North Carolina with (but without) a three-month baby. Before I could even say anything, she said that she and her husband would take turns holding the baby outside of the reception all night.

"Oh that's so silly," I said to her. "Of course the baby can come to the reception."

And that was the first bend in our "no kids at the wedding" policy.

I originally said no kids, no exceptions. This was an adult-only affair with an open bar and a (provided by us) shuttle service so that adults could enjoy themselves and not have to worry about how they'd get home.

And then I realized that nearly all our guests would be driving from New York to North Carolina. They'd be bringing their kids with them, sans a babysitter. So I thought about hiring a babysitter for the night so the parents could enjoy their night -- and so could the kids. But then our RSVP's started coming in and no one asked about their kids coming, so I scratched that idea and decided we'd be flexible on a case by case basis. And if you let yourself be just a little flexible, you might be better off.

Why Your "No Kids At The Wedding" Policy Needs To Be Flexible

If you have kids in your bridal party, you have to invite them to the reception.
It's really poor form to ask a friend or relative to buy a dress or suit for their kid, then have them behave at the rehearsal and the wedding, then not say thank you by letting that same child come to the reception. If you think they are mature enough to walk down the aisle, they're mature enough to sit at a table with their parents at the reception. Just be sure to ask your venue for an alternative kids meal because chicken fingers will go over much better than Chicken Oscar for the little ones.

If the parents are traveling alone and one parent offers to miss the reception to watch their kid.
We actually had this happen with two of my family members. My aunt was going to stay in the hotel to watch my cousin's daughter so my cousin could enjoy the reception. My other cousin's husband was going to stay home to watch their son so my cousin could go to the reception. Both options sounded silly to me. How could I ask my aunt to travel a dozen hours to get to my wedding and be in our ceremony, but then stay in the hotel during the party? And same with my cousin's husband. If the difference between him celebrating with us or not was their one-year-old son, then the son was getting on the guest list.

For local weddings, your friends can probably find a friend or babysitter to watch their kid(s) for a few hours. But for a destination wedding, or one where they are traveling across state lines, you do have to be a little more flexible.

If you like some kids better than others.
Maybe you really want your friend's daughter to come to the reception because you basically raised her but you don't want your other friend's son to come because he always fights with you. That's okay. Just because you invite one kid doesn't mean you have to invite all of them, just like if you invite one friend from college you don't have to invite your entire graduating class.

Or maybe you have young cousins and want to invite them because they're family, but you don't want to invite your friends' kids because they're not related to you. That's okay too.

Maybe you have kids.
If you have your own kids, you probably want them at your wedding. So there's that too.

How Do You Communicate Your "No Kids At The Wedding" Policy

This part is easy. When you are addressing your invitations to people with kids that are not invited, address them to Mr. & Mrs. Smith. Don't add the kids. Don't address it to "Smith Family." Adding family implies that the whole family is invited.

BRIDAL BABBLE: Are you inviting kids to your wedding?

Planning on inviting kids to your wedding?
Check out our How To Entertain Kids At A Wedding post.