It happens. It has happened in every wedding I've ever known of, so it probably happened at yours. A neighbor, a coworker, a friend who you may only know of in passing, ends up on the list. And you struggle with the idea of sending that person an invitation with a plus one and then paying for their plates. I know, in theory it doesn't seem like that big of a crisis, but when you have to cross off some people on your list to make room for people you hardly know, it seems so daunting.
But here's the thing: Your parents know them and this is who your parents are choosing to celebrate with.
Oh, of course, they're going to celebrate with you, and your family, and your new in-laws, and new family ... but your parents want their friends there too. They're happy and excited to see their little girl getting married and want to celebrate with people who will be happy and excited for them.
That's the truth of it, really. It's a big day for your parents too. They raised a child to be proud of, someone who is taking the next step in life. For parents, it's a big deal. All eyes will be on you and your new spouse because it is your day after all. But, in part, it's your parents' day too. And they want to be happy with people who will be happy for them.
And you have to respect that.
It's hard and can be a battle, but it's not one worth fighting. If you really want a band at your wedding but your mom prefers a DJ, fight that. If you want an outdoor ceremony but your fiance's mom wants a church ceremony, fight that too. But if your future father-in-law has a couple coworkers he wants to invite, just send the invitations. There's a good chance they won't come and you'll be off the hook anyway. But, there's also a good chance of a lot of tension during the wedding planning if you don't invite them.
BRIDAL BABBLE: Are your parents adding their friends to your wedding guest list?
I had this argument 20 years ago, when I married the man I would have two children with then quickly divorce when emotional and substance abuse were brought in. 15 years later, I met my love, and so many of my parents' friends were gone. They didn't get to see who I actually became, or the fabulous man who nurtures my (our) children and loves me like mad. I wish I'd never fought, and that I'd not behaved like a child about it. I wish I had given my parents that moment with their friends when I was able. This is something to grow up, and suck it up, over. And even if your and your friends don't bother, write the doggone thank-you notes... do it for your mom, or she'll be the one to field embarrassing phone calls asking if you got the gifts her friends sent. Please don't make me admit to how I know that.
ReplyDeleteI just found out my mom has quietly been inviting a few friends that were originally not on my wedding list. I’m not going to worry about it as there is room for her friends. I know who they are and if she wants them there it’s fine.
ReplyDeleteThis is such an important and controversial topic. I always suggest to my clients at the very beginning to start thinking of the # of guests they'd like to invite by witting down all of the people they'd like to invite and then asking their parents to do the same--but giving them a limit such as 10 additional guests. When couples forget to include who their parents want to invite it ends up being one of those surprise expenses later on. Because most likely it will become a big fight and the parents will eventually get their way...especially if they are contributing towards the wedding in any way.
ReplyDeleteAlways remember to include your parents Aunts and Uncle, they want to be included as well.
ReplyDeleteI don't agree with this, but that might be because I know my moms friends and would automatically invite them myself. Already knowing who would actually like to be there and who wouldn't. Just my own personal situation.
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