Top 5 Tips For Newlyweds (based off my five months of wedding bliss)

The day after Pete and I got engaged, we were standing in the kitchen of our apartment. "Does it feel different to you?" he asked me.

It did. For some reason, we felt different. It was the same us, living in the same apartment, the only noticeable difference was I had a ring on my finger for the last 18 or so hours. But we felt different. It's a strange thing to explain until it happens to you. Every time one of my friends gets engaged now, I always ask them if it feels different. And they say yes. There's just something that's different, even if you were already living together or already knew the ring was coming.

I felt the same thing on our wedding night. Pete was going to meet his friends at the resort's bar and I just wanted to crash, but I felt like I had to go with him. I felt responsible for him now. Not that I didn't feel that way before. The day before, if anything had happened to him when he met his friends at that very same bar, I would have been devastated. But that night, something was just different.

Being married, it's different than dating or being engaged. And, I'm no expert at it. I mean, it's been five months so far. We are living in the same apartment with the same cat and lack of children. Not much has changed (not my last name, our bank accounts, or our credit cards), but we have changed. We've gotten a lot better at choosing love and choosing marriage because marriage is a choice and a job and work, just like Ben Affleck said in that awards speech. People gave him a lot of flack for it, which I think is ridiculous because marriage is work. It's not always rainbows and roses. So, I put together a list of my Top 5 Tips For Newlyweds (based off my five months of wedding bliss).

Top 5 Tips For Newlyweds

1. Remember, you married the man he is, not the man you want him to be.

So many women have this crazy idea that they want a man they can change. No. Just no. You fell in love with someone and that is who you are marrying. If he leaves the toilet seat up all.the.time, don't expect that when he gets married he will magically start putting it down. Sorry lady, but you married a man who leaves the toilet seat up. You can ask him to put it down, while explaining to him that you've fallen in during the middle of the night or you can just accept the fact that the man you love and married leaves the seat up and maybe you need to be the one to change and remember to turn the light on when you enter the bathroom. You can make that change in yourself. You can remember to flick on the light so that you don't fall in the bowl. They say, "Be the change you want to see in the world" and I'm saying, "Be the change you want to see in the bathroom." You can't expect him to start remembering to put it down and you can't get mad at him when he doesn't remember.

That's such a silly example, but it can apply to everything. Just because your man said "I do" doesn't mean he is going to turn into some magical Prince Charming who is everything you read in a fairy tale. He is still the man you said yes to when he proposed. That's the man you fell in love with and decided to marry. That's the man you need to let him be when you get married. And you can't get mad at him for being himself just because you wanted him to be someone else. If that was really the case, well, you need to figure that out before you say your vows.

2. Don't get overwhelmed.

Marriage isn't easy. You will have amazing days and you'll have bad days. You'll get frustrated at work and take it home. He'll burn dinner. You'll miss a turn and get lost. He'll get home late and you'll be late getting to a friend's house. This is real life, folks.

When you're planning a wedding, that's all you can focus on. You set your eyes on the ceremony, the reception, the cake, the toasts. You forget that when the guests go home, you have a lifetime of being married to your best friend ahead of you. It's a lot to take in and something that people tend to forget about during the chaos of planning. When the dust settles, you sit back and realize you're someone's wife and now you have to figure out health insurance and if you want to combine car insurance. It's a lot, especially at the beginning. Just breathe. You have a lifetime to decide if you want to pay your cell phone bill via autopay or not. And you can always change your mind. Don't let the zillions of tasks that come along with being married overshadow the fact that you have started your forever with your best friend.

3. Do stuff together.

Yes, you're married now, but you don't have to turn into an old married couple. Being married is like having a live in playmate. You always have someone willing to do fun stuff with you. Do it. Yes, you just spent a ton of money on a wedding and a honeymoon, but that doesn't mean you have to stay home every night eating Ramen. Take a cooking class together, go to the park and take a walk, go to the beach, take a weekend road trip, rent a Jaguar and kiss in front of the cemetery (I know, I know, what a silly background for this photo. I don't know why I didn't realize that until after we had taken them. But I absolutely love this photo, even though I had already changed out of my beautiful heels into much more comfortable flip flops. But look how in love we look, how our legs are crossed towards each other, oh I would frame it if not for that wacky background). Or stay home and watch a movie. Just make sure you spend time with each other and loving each other. You're married now, but that doesn't mean you turn into roommates who just come and go. Make sure you carve out time together to just hang out and have fun.

4. Move forward.

Just because you're married doesn't mean that you need to stop growing as a couple or as people. Life doesn't hit pause because you're married. Learn together, teach each other things, and tackle huge projects together. Maybe it's taking a move, buying a house, having a child, or just getting a pet. Whatever it is, do it. Don't think that just because you got married you are stuck now. Yes, you have to consider another person before you make decisions (which can be hard!), but you have someone in your corner to support your big ideas and vice versa. Do them. Support each other. Don't get stuck in a rut now (or ever).

5. Choose love.

At the end of the day, you have to choose love. This is marriage. It's not some fleeting relationship that you can just throw away when things get hard (and, unfortunately, they will). You have to choose love just like you chose each other. Tell your husband you love him every single day, and really, really mean that. Choose him and choose to love him.

I was actually really inspired by the Marriage365 t-shirt line on Sun Frog Shirts. The shirt above is actually from that line. It's a really great reminder to choose love and your husband and your relationship. I've known people who have given up on their relationship because it got hard, and that's horribly sad to me. Divorce is an option that many people choose, and sometimes it's because they've given up on the other person (and, always, I would guess, because they've given up on the relationship). They say 50% of marriages end in divorce. Talk about a glass half empty stat. I'd rather hear that 50% of marriages are amazing and incredible and work and have a couple who works at it. Choose love. Choose the better half of that statistic. Choose the man you said yes to, the vows you took, and the life you are building together.

Choose love.

BRIDAL BABBLE: What are your tips for newlyweds?